We tell people to be themselves, that there’s nothing wrong with who they are, etc. Of course this is all quite dishonest and we say it more to make ourselves feel good than to actually help other people. Here is my very not scientifically determined list of a few relatively common personal oddities, in decreasing order of social acceptability. None of these are (AFAIK) universally considered socially desirable (e.g., “extreme physical attractiveness” is not on the list), so this is a list from least to most disliked.

1. Sleeping a lot, like maybe 10 hours a day
2. Mild anxiety that doesn’t inconvenience anyone else
3. Occasional sad moods that require short periods of rewarding comfort
4. Being an overachiever who occasionally says “OMG I’m so OCD!” because you color-code your college notes
5. Being “super ADHD” because you sometimes say things that aren’t clearly connected to the previous topic or you don’t always watch Netflix shows all the way through
6. Being, like, “way bipolar” because sometimes you’re happy about your math test in the morning but sad about something else in the afternoon
7. Having a fun verbal tic, like saying “shit” once or twice a day when it’s not quite appropriate to the situation
8. Being basically autistic because you can super-focus for an entire evening on Spongebob
9. Occasionally blurting out true but taboo things like “that dog just took a shit on the quad! Oh, sorry, professor…”
10. Making regular jokes at others’ expense (and at least sometimes realizing it and apologizing)
11. Actual high-functioning autism, including strong verbal skills, average or higher intelligence, and some response to social cues
12. Actual anxiety disorders, Actual depression, actual ADHD, actual OCD, actual bipolar disorder, etc.
13. Actual typical autism, including little or no verbal communication, apparent total unresponsiveness to social cues, and occasional caretaker-focused aggression
14. Borderline personality disorder
15. Psychopathy

We pick and choose the things we are willing to accommodate. Like a great many other people, I fit in #12, above. Even there, there are gradations of social desirability. I’ve found people are generally more sympathetic to the problems of depression and anxiety than ADHD. ADHD just pisses people off. It’s more personally rewarding to comfort a person feeling hopeless, or help a person avoid or deal with their fears, than forgive a friend who keeps letting you down and just won’t shut the fuck up.

That said, #12 is all lumped together for a reason. The gradations mostly exist only for a short time. After a few weeks living with a depressed person, a person with an anxiety disorder, or someone with serious ADHD, most people feel the same: exhausted, angry, frustrated, and ready to leave. There might be differences at first, but most psychological disorders drive your loved ones away. Anyone who stays is a fucking saint.

And I want a saint. I want a few of them. I drive people away. At some point I learned to keep myself away from people I like, to give them breaks from me, so they won’t get sick of me. It’s a shitty way to live, but it’s much better than being rejected and alone.